Tag Archives: God

My personal rescue story

Leave a reply

Our pastor at church said we all need to share our personal rescue stories, even the ordinary. I have a completely ordinary story. He says ordinary stories are helpful to ordinary people. Deep breath. Here goes…

I grew up in a mostly non religious home. Both of my parents grew up in religious homes, so it’s not like we didn’t believe at all or never talked about God. Mainly God and heaven were talked about when someone died and we kids had questions. It was this easy, comforting answer to give to kids. Good people go to heaven, bad people go to Hell. We never went to church, except maybe on rare occasions or the odd Christmas service here or there. There was no reading of Scripture or much in the way of conversations about God or Jesus.

I had a very basic understanding of the important people in the Bible. I knew God was God and that Jesus was His Son. I knew about Adam and Eve and how they messed up everything for all of humanity, which I thought was unfair. I knew about Moses from watching the old movie that was on cable every year around Easter, I think it was called, The 10 Commandments. And this was my understanding too about how to be “good” or “bad”.Good people didn’t kill people or steal, or lie.

I was an oldest child, so your typical rule follower. I had no idea then, but my basic understanding of Christianity was the Old Testament or law way of thinking. I had to earn my way to heaven by following the rules.

When we start to grow up, the question of identity comes to the forefront of everyone’s mind. What is my identity? It may not be a question we’re consciously asking ourselves, but it’s there nonetheless in trying to find out where we fit in to the world. I happened to start running cross country in 9th grade at age 14, which turned out to be a crucial time for me. That’s where I found my identity as a runner. Specifically as a fast runner.

This summer I read Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone’s book, Far Beyond Gold: Running From Fear to Faith, on the recommendation of one of my best friends (who I met that freshman year running cross country). There was so so much in her personal story I could relate to. Even though she is a decorated, medal winning Olympian and I was just a winner of local races, I shared so many of the same fears she did. My 11 year old daughter read her book too, and finished it and read it again.

Running is a great hobby, but it makes a very terrible god. What I mean by that is that running is a very good thing. That’s partly what I mean when I say that my story is ordinary. I wasn’t caught up in addiction or embezzling or anything like that. Those stories are powerful, as they really showcase the power of God in transforming individuals completely.

For many of us ordinary people our idols aren’t in the extreme. We’re not rescued from the streets. Yet, we are saved nonetheless.

An idol is anything (that could be a very good thing) that you make it god in your life. It’s when you say, “once I have that, then I’ll be…complete, happy, valuable”, pick your adjective.

I found my identity in running and even more so in the success that came with it. When I performed well, I felt good about myself and I was happy. If I performed poorly, well, you can imagine I was really hard on myself. Who was I of value if I wasn’t a fast runner??

As time went on and my running performance proved a pretty unreliable idol to stack my whole identity on, I started branching into other areas. I tried to find my value in relationships, in my work ethic, in success in general.

As it always was with running, when my life looked good on the outside, I felt good on the inside. But what about when the deck of cards starts falling down? Broken relationships, not getting that promotion, indicators of failure left me confused. Life was full of winners and losers to me, and if I wasn’t a winner, I couldn’t be a loser!

As a result of my trying to always fix everything, I stayed in toxic relationships way too long, sacrificed my own happiness and health to at least appear successful, and used my running as a crutch to get me through when times were tough.

By my late 20’s, on the outside, I was a high functioning adult with a career and a husband and I even could add winning a marathon to my identity. It seemed only natural to have a baby, which plenty of ordinary people do. I could certainly do it.

Then motherhood happened, and if nothing in life will humble you, motherhood will.

Nothing about motherhood was easy for me. And of course, in my comparison game I played in my head, there were winners and losers and I couldn’t deny that I was a loser in this area. My oldest child had colic and screamed most hours of the day. I tried everything to help her and nothing seemed to work, or, work consistently. We went to the doctor, I tried pacifiers and rocking swings and driving her in the car. Eventually, the only thing that I could do was put her in a wrap, and pace around the house until she cried herself to sleep. Then, once she was asleep, my aching body would try to stop moving, to sit down and no sooner would I stop moving and she’d be up and crying again.

My social media feed was full of other moms with sleeping little babies, in their car seat or stroller. They actually took their babies places. I was confined to the house and it was wearing on me. One day, I did attempt to take her to Hobby Lobby for my own sanity and I remember we got there and she was screaming so I’m walking around holding her and people were staring and an employee came up to us to see if we needed help. My daughter had a good set of lungs, which seems to have come in handy now that she’s running too. I remember seeing another woman I knew from work in the store who was also on maternity leave with her peaceful baby in the store and I hid and left.

I felt so ashamed. I was failing at something that was supposed to come naturally to me as a woman.

Thankfully though, God had been there my whole life, trying to get me to find Him. When I look back, it’s many of the people of faith that were a part of my life that ultimately led me to finally answer His call. They wore their faith like a piece of them that they never took off. And when life was hard, they still clung to it. I wanted some of what they had.

I remember it was near Easter that I started reading the Easter story. I had read through some of the Bible in my college years and had felt I fully got the message but after that I stopped pursuing it. Reading about Jesus, and about the Pharisees, I could see myself…as a Pharisee!

The Pharisees were the religious leaders at the time. They were the rule followers. They prided themselves on being the best of the best. They looked down their noses at others. That had been me!

They killed Jesus because He threatened their god of pride.

I had lived much of my life self focused on success and I looked down at those who struggled. I justified my own shortcomings while harshly criticizing others. This was ultimately because my identity, my whole sense of being, was tied to the outward appearance of success.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, pretenders (hypocrites)! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self indulgence.”

-Matthew 23:25

After Easter, I was hungry for more, so I kept reading Scripture. And I haven’t stopped since. We started going to church as a family and my kids are learning the gospel. They may not fully understand what it all means until they are older, but they know the basics of it, even my 5 year old. We read Scripture together nightly and we pray. That’s not me trying to say, “look how much I’m doing.” It’s rather an indication of how much my life has changed since giving it over to Christ. But I’ve gotten ahead of myself.

For me, I understand now that it wasn’t all Adam and Eve’s fault but that I’m personally responsible for my own sinful nature. I chose to serve the god of pride and success and self interest.

Jesus paid the price of my sin. He died because of me. Jesus, who never sinned and lived the perfect life took on my punishment. He did this willingly and as a free gift of grace to me. I didn’t have to do anything other than accept it. Once I accepted the sacrifice of Jesus into my heart, my old ways died, and I became a new person. Now, this doesn’t mean I never sin. It would be false to think that Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross only wiped my slate clean and then I had to perfectly follow the rules again for the rest of my life.

No, my old ways of thinking had to die. I have accepted myself with a new identity. I am a sinner. This means I’m still a sinner. It doesn’t mean I have a free pass to just live the way I want, it means I have a changed heart. One that’s soft. One that listens to the Holy Spirit when it convicts me of my sin.

And my works grow from that changed heart. The good I do now is not in my own self interest, and it’s done when no one is watching. But people should be able to see it. This is the fruit of the Spirit. This is what I saw in the other Christian’s that were influential to me. They weren’t perfect. They still made mistakes. But when they did, they corrected them. They didn’t cover them up. They didn’t blame others. They were trustworthy.

I’m not perfect. Far from it. The grace I’ve been given I did not earn and I don’t deserve. I still sin. But I feel convicted of it now instead of making excuses. I repent and I try to live like those Christians I so admire. I am free from feeling like I always need to succeed in order to feel valued. I’m deeply loved, and the parts of me that fail have been accounted for by Jesus.

Running? I still love it and it’s a part of my identity but it’s not my identity. Running is a gift I am able to enjoy. Should I ever not be able to run, I know I’ll be ok. Motherhood? I love it. It truly is the hardest work I’ve ever done and I make mistakes all the time but I give myself grace because God is gracious. My kids are sinners and we all give each other grace and forgiveness, though sometimes we don’t always get this right off the bat.

If you are wanting to know more about Christ or the gospel, please reach out to me. I’d love to have a no pressure, non judgment discussion with you. We’ve found a church I love that we call home, and I would love to have you attend with us sometime if you want to. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to me or someone, but are still curious, I would suggest you start by reading God’s word, or Scripture. If that’s too overwhelming for you, like it was for me, start by reading the Easter story. I read it online and then started reading in the New Testament after that. I read online in the King James Bible online. I read every day. I don’t read for hours on end and I have never read the whole Bible in a year, it takes me two or three years to get through the entire Bible but I’ve now read it about 3 times. I still am learning how to apply Scripture, that’s where a good church helps but I also use study guides that are online. I currently am using David Guzik’s online study guides as he covers every single chapter and really brings home the main idea.

The New Testament is a good place to start reading because it tells the good news about Jesus. And once you understand Jesus, reading the Old Testament makes more sense because you see all the foreshadowing of Jesus. Just start reading. Start today. Even if you only have a few minutes. And start praying. Pray that God would open your mind and heart to receive His word. I’m praying for you too.

When tragedy breaks our hearts

1 Reply

I had stayed away from news and social media all day because we were busy getting ready for spring break. It wasn’t until I finally sat down at the end of the evening to quickly check something on Facebook until I saw some posts about Nashville.

When things like this happen I get very quiet within myself. It’s like I have no words, even in my own head. And I pray. And I feel so upset. Upset becomes a physical feeling.

I know that in the aftermath of this tragedy, there will be a whole lot of noise. Politicians will push their politics as the answer and people will get nasty with each other arguing their different views on who’s at fault and what the solution is.

It’s actually quite sickening how the evil that caused the tragedy in the first place, settles into our hearts and enjoys the division and hate it sows among us.

And people will blame God or say it’s evidence of no God, or one who allows such horrible things to happen. Even some true believers may find themselves shaken and asking why oh why this happens.

I don’t have all the answers to life’s big questions but I DO know why this happens. It happens because our world is so, so broken. It was NEVER supposed to be this way.

Back in the Garden, Adam and Eve had everything they wanted and were like children. God only warned them that if they ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they would surely die.

Think about it. They were naked and unashamed and had no knowledge of good and evil in the Garden. It was safe there. They were as children, being cared for by a loving father.

Then the tempter lied to them and told them they surely would not die, but would be like God. This broke everything. But God still loved them. He made them leave the Garden, because He didn’t want them to live forever in such a cursed, and broken world, and He doesn’t want us to live here forever either.

This world is cursed with the most terrible evil, but it’s not where we live forever. He sent His own Son to die an excruciating death so that we may have everlasting life outside of this broken world.

Why though, would He allow such terrible things to happen to His children? I DON’T know why some people die and others do not. I know I’ve followed many children that have had or have cancer. Many of these families have incredibly strong faith. Some of these children are healed and the families give all glory to God for their healing and other children are healed in Heaven.

I’ve witnessed these families that have had to say goodbye have incredible faith that’s just astounding. Even some of these precious children often showcase incredible faith that many adults do not possess. I don’t know why some are healed and some are not. Nor do I know why Jesus chose Lazarus to bring back to life.

I do know that Jesus, cried out to His Father to take this cup from Him. Yet, Jesus was still obedient to the Father, and succeeded where Adam and Eve had failed, allowing all believers to live in peace with the Father for all of eternity.

I do believe these children are there now. Their families still go through incredible, incredible pain here. My heartbreak is with them. Why must they live the rest of their days here with this pain? I don’t know the answer to that. But I do believe they will see their child again. God says that every tear will be wiped away and I believe it. But they need people to surround them in love, not hate.

When terrible acts happen here, we don’t fight evil with more evil. We fight evil with love. What can we do to put more love into this world? We shouldn’t try to spear people with our words and our opinions. Because it is not flesh that we fight against.

When the noise gets loud over this tragedy around you, don’t add to the evil. When you hear people screaming about why God would allow such terrible things to happen, take them to the cross. Spread truth and life where death and lies live. Pray. Pray for mercy on our nation and our world.

There’s a true story that is not mine to share but someday I need to. It’s too long to put here but I hold that story up in my heart and bring it to mind in times like these. It reminds me that these children are safe. I believe that with my whole heart.

Love and pray for your enemies. When evil tries to knock you off your path, go right back to the cross. Hold Jesus’s sacrifice in your heart and remember Jesus’s words to the thief, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with Me in paradise.”

When you feel defeated

Leave a reply

Sometimes, we hope and pray so hard for something good, and it seems like the answer is no. What do we do? How do we move forward when things feel so hopeless.

“For My ways are not your ways”

“Father, if there is any other way, please take this cup…Your will be done.”

I’ve been in this place before and it’s one of the more unpleasant places. You put in all the hard work, were best suited for that promotion and it didn’t happen. You trained so hard for that race and your workouts were all showing you should be more than able to hit that goal, but race day comes and you fail miserably. Why did I even bother?

I remember going through some of the secondary infertility we experienced and feeling so hopeful going into a month that everything was done “right” only to stare in anger at yet another negative pregnancy test.

Sometimes it’s even bigger than that. Sometimes it’s in regards to laws and policies that leave you feeling completely gutted.

In all these situations, it felt like you did what you were supposed to do, but didn’t get the results. It’s hard to not feel like it’s a judgement of you personally. It’s hard to not be angry. It’s hard to not feel hopeless or wonder why you should put yourself out there emotionally ever again.

Take heart. Jesus was preaching in a corrupt Roman Empire. And word spread quickly of His teachings and His healing and He even was said to be the long awaited Messiah prophesied. People were full of hope. Hope that He, like Moses would lead the people out of oppression.

When He rode a donkey, people waved palms, fulfilling yet another prophesy. Yet He was murdered. Not only that but He was mocked and humiliated. Stripped down naked. The people who truly believed He was the Messiah must have wondered why He didn’t free Himself from the cross and end it all there. Instead, He allowed it to occur.

Can you imagine what the believers must have been feeling? I can. I can feel it. They were hopeless. It would seem that the naysayers were right all along. They were made out to be fools and conspiracy theorists. But this wasn’t the end of the story.

Jesus rose on the third day. And on the day of Pentecost was the birth of Christianity. A fire that still burns brightly today. The Bible is still the bestselling book of all time.

It’s hard not to feel dismayed, hopeless, broken or even humiliated when we think we’ve been defeated. I urge you to remember that the story is not over. Sometimes God is working something even bigger and better in our moments that feel like defeat.

Don’t give in to feeling hopeless. Sing praises and be joyful even in your suffering. The enemy wants us feeling broken and defeated. But we have a strength that they can’t take away.

Encourage each other. Get back up and joyfully do the work. Pray. Love. Rejoice in your sorrows and let the flame within you shine all the brighter. Laugh when you are mocked. Don’t allow yourself to be humiliated. Be brave like Daniel going into the flaming furnace, saying “even if God doesn’t get me out of this, He is still God!”

If you want to change the world, go home and love your family. Love your community. Love your enemy.

A note on political shaming

Leave a reply

I don’t know who will hear this message but I need to say it.

This is aimed at those who consider themselves Christians. I have seen too much hate and division and I’ve seen it coming from Christians and even from religious leaders and “Christian” publications.

As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man to kindling strife. ——Proverbs 26:21

What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? —James 4:1

Hatred stirs up trouble, but love forgives all wrongs. —Proverbs 10:12

Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. —Proverbs 13:10

What is it that sets us apart from non believers? Is it the great works we do? Is it the way we carry ourselves, far above our less than holy brethren? Is it our excellent wisdom in who we vote for? Is it our ability to use Bible quotes to try to shame those who vote differently than we do? Is it to share articles that support our views and bash those that don’t? No.

What sets us apart is that we know Jesus died in our place. Jesus died because of YOUR sin and because of MY sin. This is what makes us Christian. Not the works or service we do. Not because we wear a mask or because we didn’t vote for this terrible person or with THAT particular issue.

So now that we’ve cleared that up, here are some other truths. The most loving thing we can do for others is get them to believe the gospel truth. That is how we care about their eternal soul.

Taking care of people in this life is nice too, but it is not near as important as taking care of their soul and we do that by sharing the gospel.

“By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35

As Christians, our love for one another should be so extraordinary that those who don’t know the gospel will know that it can’t be from man alone and they will believe.
It’s not easy to love everyone. Sometimes it’s beyond what we are capable of doing. That’s where God comes in. That’s what should definitely set us apart. Love doesn’t mean not holding people accountable. People who commit crimes should be held accountable to their actions, this IS love. Love looks like giving them a fair trial and punishment that doesn’t strip away their dignity.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.— Corinthians 14:4-8

When we tear other people down over the way they vote or the reasons they vote, we are not loving them.

In 2020, these were the presidental options Christians had:
1.) Do not vote for a president because all choices are evil in some way or another
2.) Vote for Donald Trump
3.) Vote for Joe Bide 4.)Vote for a third party candidate or write in

That’s it. Those were your choices. Those were everyone’s choices. Can anyone tell me that among those choices there is one of them that brings the voter salvation and one that does not? There’s not. Because who you vote for and your reasons for that vote are not what saves you. With choices like the ones listed above, thank God for that!

Thank God that our salvation does not depend on any of the things we do except accepting Jesus as our personal Savior.

Now, if we want to bring others to salvation, shaming them for how they voted in the 2020 election for whatever reasons they made that choice doesn’t seem to be an effective way of going about it.

Sure, there are times that we as Christians are to correct our brothers and sisters in Christ from erring with Biblical truth. Since the 2020 election and the correct choice are missing from the Bible, I don’t really see how someone can legitimately point out to their brethren, what the wrong choice is. There is no perfect choice because we live in an imperfect world. Some may argue well this is the least evil choice, but that’s all personal opinion based on what is most important to your imperfect heart.

The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick, who can understand it? —Jeremiah 17:9

If we want to change people’s hearts for the better, why not allow the Holy Spirit to do that work in them? Again, the best way to do that is to let them hear the true gospel message.

We should be very careful as Christians that we are not slipping into the hearts of the religious elite that Jesus warned us about. Remember the prayer of the sinner?

“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” —Luke 18:10-18

Once people have received the Holy Spirit, they will want to do good works. However, we need to be careful that we don’t feel righteous by the things we do or believe. Even good works when done for the wrong reasons will be counted against us. Remember the parable of the Prodigal Son?

In the parable, a father has two sons. The younger son demands his inheritance and leaves his home to pursue a life of wild pleasures. He spends every last dime on drinking and women and gambling. When he runs out of money he goes back to his father.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

The son who had worked diligently with his father all along was angry that his father would celebrate and throw a big feast for his brother when he had been there working and living rightly all along.

This is exactly what we do when we think we are justified by our good works and good causes against those who live differently than we do or even think or vote differently than we do. Our works are good but there’s no love in our heart or grace or mercy for those that we feel are less deserving.

The true believer extends grace to all sinners because they humbly know that they too are undeserving of grace, but that it was given to them anyway.

I know it’s not easy to love people who act in ways that are hateful towards us. Remember, loving someone does not mean we invite them into our lives and let them spew hate at us. We should have loving boundaries but it does mean treating them with kindness and dignity when they are not doing the same for us.

I’m fortunate enough to have some good women in my life that remind me of these Biblical truths when I want to bite back. Instead they remind me that I need to be praying for these people and they are so right.

So you may feel good in the moment slamming someone else’s political view on social media. You may feel righteous sharing that religious article that agrees with your viewpoint to try to show others they are wrong. But maybe the best thing you can do is pray for those that hate you and pray for your own heart as well. I ALWAYS think I’m right. So I’ve learned that I need to pray for wisdom to know when my heart is deceiving me and for the humility to admit it.

If anyone wants to know more about the true gospel of Christ, I would love to talk to you. If you are curious or maybe have had a really bad experience with “Christianity” you are not alone. There is much out there that’s fake or false. I am more than happy to help you find the truth. Hint: it’s in the Scriptures.

Much love to all of you, even to those with whom I disagree.

Exodus part 3

Leave a reply

The first part of this post can be found here, and the second part here.

So we left off with God showing up to Moses in the fields he’s working for his father in law Jethro, a priest of many gods. Moses is married to Jethro’s daughter and they have two children. As far as we can tell, Moses is living a happy, simple life.

God says incredible things to Moses. He says that He’s heard the cries of His people and has compassion on them and plans to lead them out of slavery with Moses’s help. And how does Moses respond? Like a noble leader who is brave and ready and honored to do his part for the good of his people? No.

Moses basically tells God that he’s not up to the challenge and he comes up with plenty of excuses why he can’t do it.

And I have to wonder, even though Moses doesn’t SAY he is comfortable in his life and just doesn’t WANT to, if that’s more or less what was going on in his heart. And far be it for me to judge Moses for this. I can only try to imagine myself, while washing dishes one day hearing the voice of God telling me these things and thinking I wouldn’t respond the same way.

So it gets me back to what I really wanted to write about as the thoughts came together for me while reading in Exodus this time. How often are we unwilling to do what we should do because it seems overly burdensome in our comfortable lives we lead?

I know for me personally, several years ago I would NEVER have shared my thoughts on faith publicly because I was worried about the way I would be perceived by my peers. But sometimes we get to a place where we realize we have to speak out and believe that God will be with us when we do. This is also spiritual maturity. The story of Moses is also a great story that illustrates spiritual maturity.

So going back to Moses; To all his objections, God tells him that He will be with him. Yet Moses still resists. This kindles God’s anger.

How often have we been there? We feel this tugging in our soul. We KNOW that God wants us to do something that is for our good but we resist. We come up with excuses because it’s hard. For me, there are so many times in life I’ve been where Moses was. One time was when I knew I needed to read the Bible every day to grow spiritually but it seemed like I didn’t have the time. I had all these excuses. I don’t have more hours in my day now than I did back then, but I finally made reading in my Bible daily my priority.

There’s someone in my life that I won’t name that confessed they wanted to give up drinking. Not permanently but for a period of time to try to rid themselves of the crutch it had become. Yet, the night before they intended to give it up, they wanted to have a few drinks, and this was how I knew they weren’t serious. It’s why the sign “free beer tomorrow” is so funny. Because it’s easy to say you’re going to do something hard tomorrow but it’s hard to start today. I told this person if they felt they needed to remove alcohol as a spiritual road block, if they were serious, they would start today. By thinking you need “one last fix”, I don’t really believe someone’s heart is really prepared to let that thing go.

With the addiction that ruined the relationship I had with someone in my family I could very easily see this struggle. I honestly don’t think he wanted to be a slave to alcohol. Yet he could never seem to get to the point where he could put in the hard work today. The alcohol was too much of a comfort to him and even though God would be with him, he couldn’t let go of the bondage it kept him in.

So, again we go back to Moses. God is angry with him, but tells him that his brother Aaron can be the one to speak since one of Moses’s excuses was that he was a poor speaker. God also tells him that all the men that wanted to kill him for his murder of the Egyptian are now dead.

So Moses takes his wife and kids and starts heading back to Egypt. Here it gets interesting again. It says on the way that the Lord met Moses again and sought to kill him. Why??

Well, we see next in the text that Zipporah, his wife, took a sharp stone and cut off the foreskin of her son, and threw it at Moses feet and said, “Surely a bloody husband ART thou to me.” So God let Moses go, and then Zipporah says, “A bloody husband THOU ART.” Because of the circumcision.

The first time I read this, I was wondering what in the world was happening! I searched out some help online and think I understand it better today. I think it’s another example of where Moses was spiritually at this time.

It was already a custom among Israelites to circumcise their men. The book of Genesis talks about Circumcision of males by their 8th day of birth as part of the Abrahamic covenant with God. So the fact that Moses had moved off to Midian and had children there but had not circumcised his own son yet, seems like it became a problem.

We can’t tell from the text if God had told him to do this and Moses disobeyed or put it off or what. What we do see is that Moses’s disobedience was literally killing him. His wife, though not one of God’s people herself, was quick to act to save her husband by performing the Circumcision on her son. And her act did save Moses.

Sometimes our actions or inactions are so destructive to us that people outside our faith can plainly see it too. Moses had a long way to grow spiritually, but we can see throughout his life, God was with him, putting many people in his life (regardless of whether or not they were Israelites or not) that helped him along.

Exodus part 2

1 Reply

I’m writing about my reading in Exodus and the wisdom I’m gaining from doing so. The first part, I gave some history on the tribe of Levi, which is where Moses descended from and I think it’s important to know that history going into the story of Moses. You can read that here.

In the beginning of Exodus, we read that a new king was ruler over Egypt where the Israelites lived because of the great famine that had occurred. This new king did not know Joseph, who was Levi’s brother, that had saved Egypt from the famine.

This new king greatly feared the Israelites that lived among them because they were very “fruitful” and were growing in number greater and mightier than the Egyptians.

He took a heavy handed approach and it backfired as things things so often do. He told his taskmasters to work the Israelites harder and make their labor excruciating and exhausting. The Israelites waxed even mightier the harder he worked them. The very thing meant to weaken them ended up making them stronger.

We see this specifically repeat throughout history. The Christian religion did not die with the murders of the disciples. The US government tried to blackmail Martin Luther King Jr and it didn’t work. Further, his assasination did nothing to stop the movement he had started but further propelled the change.

We see it again and again. These leaders get scared of a perceived threat so they oppress and oppress hoping to eradicate the threat, but history teaches us it doesn’t work.

So when the heavy handed approach didn’t work, he doubled down and turned to murder.

He first asked the midwives to kill baby boys during labor. This makes me think that he didn’t want people to know what he was doing because, I’m thinking people probably wouldn’t have gone along with it. It’s one thing to work people to the bone but it’s another to start killing off people’s babies. Maybe he promised the midwives special privileges for carrying out his evil deeds? It doesn’t say so we can only wonder.

Either way, the midwives wouldn’t do it. They feared God more than they feared this king. So then once again, the king responded by telling “his people” to drown any boy babies in the river.

Much is NOT said about how they went about this. Was it done by force? Were male babies ripped from their mother’s arms and just thrown in the river? We don’t know for sure because it’s not explicitly stated but there’s some clues in the surrounding text that lead me to believe that it was possibly still done in a covert manner.

I mean, for one thing, if you are mightier than the Egyptians and they start murdering your children, I would think there would be a great deal of pushback. What if it was carried out in secret? But people started to notice that all the male babies were mysterious going missing and they knew that something wasn’t quite right? Again, we don’t KNOW how it happened so I’m just trying to figure out what life was like for the Israelites. Were there whispers? Were people afraid?

Moses’s mother, a descendant of Levi, gives birth to Moses and it says she saw that he was a “goodly child” so she hid him for 3 months. Again, the text is so interesting in what it says and what it doesn’t say.

His mother clearly knew she needed to hide him, but how did she do it? Again, this makes me think that babies were not openly ripped from mother’s arms but something happened that they all were more or less suspicious or aware of.

So she made a basket and he floated over to where the King’s own daughter would be bathing. And it was the King’s own daughter that had compassion on the babe and raised him as her own. It says she knew he was a Hebrew baby, and she even hired Moses’s mother as a wet nurse. Do you think she knew it was his own mother? Again, we don’t know for sure but as a mother myself, my thought is that she did know. The baby bonded with his mother for 3 months and my thinking is that it would have been obvious to the princess to see how the baby responded to his own mother.

The princess was not afraid to raise a Hebrew baby, so again, it doesn’t seem as though there was obvious murder of Hebrew males that all the people were aware of. But I could be wrong about that.

Later, as Moses grew, he definitely knew he wasn’t an Egyptian. He comes across a taskmaster beating a Hebrew man and the words used here are “his brethren” to describe the Hebrew man. Here’s where Levi comes back to mind. Remember how Levi was prone to acting in anger? Moses kills the taskmaster in his anger. He later realizes that his murder is known so he flees to escape punishment.

Why is this mentioned in the text? I think for a couple reasons. One, we see that Moses very much has some of the same weaknesses to sin that his ancestors did. Since he identified the Hebrew man as “his brethren” that was being beaten and berated by the Egyptian, we see that he acted on his pride and on his anger. Killing this one mean taskmaster did nothing to help his people.

The other reason I think it’s mentioned is because God used Moses, a murderer and someone prone to pride and sinful anger and violence to free His people from slavery. The lesson for me is that sometimes God uses unlikely leaders with sinful pasts to accomplish His plans.

So Moses flees and ends up working for a man named Jethro who is a minister of many gods. It was very common for tribes of that time to practice religion that worshipped many gods and the Israelites were separate from this because they worshipped the one God, the God of Abraham.

Jethro likes Moses and gives him his daughter to marry and they have two children. The story tells us that Moses seemed to be doing just fine out there with his new family, seeming to have escaped from his past when God starts talking to him one day and changes everything.

The beauty of depletion

Leave a reply

Though I’m not exactly logging lots of miles these days, I can still remember very vividly the long miles of marathon training. There’s something that happens at the end of a 20-22 mile run that is downright beautiful.

Those last couple miles are hard work. You’re tired and likely running low on fuel. Your legs and lungs maybe burn as you push yourself to your absolute limit, knowing that it will all be over soon.

Once finished, you experience that complete and total depletion. You’ve left it all out on the road and now your body is completely empty. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say it’s sort of this wonderful feeling. It takes effort to walk around and stretch your aching muscles and that moment right before that first sip of water or first bite of food is sort of magical. It’s that emptiness and depletion and knowing you’re about to replenish, and that you’ll be better than you were before…

And the next time you run further, it’s because you gave all you could before. It’s this emptying and rebuilding stronger that makes it possible to get through 26.2 miles. You don’t decide to just run a marathon one day and go out and do it. You must go through the depletion and rebuilding, over and over again to get strong enough to run the whole thing.

This depletion has happened for me in other aspects of life too. I went through most of my life as some what of a watered down Christian. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. When I finally was ready, I took it all in. I had to go through that same depletion in order to really build back better. I had to give up everything I was and everything I was holding onto that was holding me back to let Jesus’s saving grace make me new. I can’t begin to explain how refreshing it is to feel completely wiped clean and start over without any baggage.

The last several years I’ve been going through this process. Tearing down so many of the walls I had built up because of my past and my misguided understanding of it. Healing takes time, and it involves the constant depletion and building back anew.

2020 was a different year for all of us and it’s interesting to see where it takes people. As we go into the new year, I’ve felt this depletion going on inside of me for some time. And, if I’m honest, it feels just as magical as it did after those long runs so many years ago. I feel like 2020 finally gave me the courage to get rid of so many of the things I had been holding onto for too long.

I took a couple of breaks from social media and learned a lot about both social media and about myself. I noticed how much I had been censoring myself because I didn’t want to offend anyone or for anyone to be upset with me because my opinions are not necessarily in agreement with theirs. But I’m done with that.

I’ve found in my little community people that love me exactly the way that I am and I enjoy it so much because I’m 100% myself. It’s so freeing.

So I’m planning on saying goodbye to the unnecessary guilt, the second guessing, the worrying if I’m liked enough by people that I maybe don’t even like myself. I’ll apologize for my mistakes and not wallow in guilt afterwards. I’ll spend time with people who accept me, all of me, for who I really am, and not some image I portray myself to be to appease them. I’ll speak the truth, even when it’s hard. I’ll be kind, even if people are not being kind to me, and even if I’m still telling an unpopular truth.

I’ll let myself be emptied of all the negativity and fear and humiliation and mockery. It doesn’t matter what the world thinks of me, it matters what God thinks of me and only He knows my true heart. I’ll allow myself to be replenished only with truth and light.

In 2021 it’s none of my business what anyone thinks of me. And I’m not going to worry about it. I encourage others to do the same. Let yourself completely be emptied of all the judgments and false guilt and responsibilities you’ve taken for other people’s lives and happiness and fill yourself back up with the things that will allow you to build up better in 2021.

This world has become a completely toxic place. Acknowledge that fact, and things will be easier. You can’t change it or fix it, but just knowing and accepting that it’s toxic will help you to not let it abuse you too. Stay away from the toxic things that want to suck you in and build the things that are light and truth. For me, that looks like God, family, friends, exercise, nature, knowledge and giving/volunteering.

Cheers to the new year!